It is quarter after twelve in rainy Portland, Maine and I know I can't sleep.
I know Gram is safe and sound up in Freeport for a few more days, a stones throw from the Big Indian. I know Erin's wedding is in a few days, The Dark Knight was absolutely amazing, and Rodrigo y Gabriela is fantastic traveling music.
My eyes want to be closed, but that's life.
To be honest, my head is both completely empty and yet bustling with activity at the same time and I think that could be the reason behind my inability to fall asleep. That and the tiny bed in my parents' basement. They are connected. They are related. They will not be attending the wedding because their kids can't come.
This summer has been strange- mundane and interesting, captivating and dull as a son of a bitch. I can't say I appreciate the heat, but I've appreciated the sun and the bike rides to work. The bike rides are even more kick ass thanks to the bar ends Crazy Ray hooked me up with last week. I am now riding in style, but still the hipsters on their one speeds don't say a word to me. I nod hello and they won't even do that. So I think about riding over their one speeds with my bad ass mountain bike with the bad ass bar ends, but what the hell is the point of that? It still won't help get the girl, cap.
I have been constantly waiting for the summer to start even though it's August.
I have been constantly waiting for change to come even though it's all around me.
I have been constantly waiting for something right even though little has been wrong.
Only last week, did I realize that July is almost over and not only is summer in full swing- summer is two-thirds almost over. A good night of boozing this past Monday made more sense than anything else I've done on a Monday night all summer. Car Bombs, Coronas, and all-you-can-eat Crab legs on a sweaty Philly night put certain things in perspective, better than any car wash or beer on the deck could ever do. And that is a fact.
But so now, almost 12:30 am- where does that put me? Am I foolish to be even wondering that at this time of night when either fun should be happening, reruns of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia should be happening, or at the very least, some quality shut eye should be happening? If bad-timing weren't a reoccurring son of a bitch in my life, maybe I'd be better off, but that is just not the case. On the plane ride up here today, I thought about taking a step back in life, much like how I've taken a step back at work. Work has been more enjoyable, even more productive- so why couldn't the same be said for life? It's all about go-getting and being out there and passing your business card around at the right time and making connections and networking and asking girls out in parking lots and prestigious gym memberships- but maybe it's more about spectating at times, than participating.
There is certainly something to be said for actively participating in life, but perhaps there is something to be said for simply enjoying life from the audience every once in a while.
I don't know if this is true and maybe I should have stayed in bed.
But like I said earlier, I know some things and I also don't some things. I know I like Rodrigo y Gabriela, but I don't know for how long. I know that doesn't bother me and I don't know if it will tomorrow.
But regardless, I know that their guitar-playing makes me bob my head like a good drum beat does.
So going with that will do for now.
Giddy up, America.
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