Picking a Horse: What to do when your team misses the playoffs

I need a horse.

It’s October, leaves are falling, we have a pumpkin and baseball playoffs are about to start. For the first time since 2006 I don’t have a horse in the race- i.e. a team I have a vested interest in. Since 2007 I’ve been spoiled, in that every year, either the Red Sox or my adopted little brother team, the Phillies, have been in the playoffs- giving me someone to route for when the playoffs rolled around. Now while it hasn’t worked out so well following those teams since 2008, when the Phillies won the World Series, it has still allowed me to have a team to route for when the playoffs start, making the playoffs that much more interesting.

This year however, I have nothing. I have no horse. The Red Sox are in last place and have lost sixty games for the first time since 1966. The Phillies last minute attempt to make the playoffs stumbled and bumbled to a halt about a week ago. My horses are already at the bar.

So that leaves me wondering, who do I hitch my wagon too? This wouldn’t be an issue if I either A) didn’t care about baseball (which I do) or B) was able to watch it and just enjoy the game, not aligning myself with any particular team (which I can’t.) If I’m going to watch the playoffs, I want to be invested in it. This was the same reasoning that led me to adopting the Phillies when I moved to Philadelphia in the summer of 2006. 

I want to care about what I’m doing. So as a result, I want a team to route for.

As of today, here are the teams in this year’s playoffs:

American League: New York Yankees, Baltimore Orioles, Detroit Tigers, Texas Rangers, Oakland A’s
National League: Washington Nationals, Atlanta Braves, Cincinnati Reds, S. F. Giants and either the St. Louis Cardinals or L.A. Dodgers

How do you then decide between these teams? You need a system.

Ryno’s Advanced Metric Playoff Horse-Picking Strategy

Starting with Step 3, each team is awarded a point if they fall into a category. The exception is Step 2, where they are deducted a point. Whoever has the most points at the end is the team you route for.

Step 1: Decide Who Are the Automatic No-Go’s
Explanation: These are the teams that you wouldn’t support if your life depended on it.
Automatic No Go’s: Yankees, Nationals, Reds, Dodgers
Ryno Reason: The Yankees & Nationals are easy- as the main rivals of the Sox and Phillies, there’s no way I can get behind them. As for the Reds, well I’ve been to Cincinnati and frankly, I didn’t care for it. As a result, I don’t care for the Reds. Plus Cincinnati is an incredibly hard word to spell. And the Dodgers? I can’t support any team that’s new nickname is the “Yankees of the East.” And there’s also part of me that’s routing for Adrian Gonzalez and Josh Beckett to fail.
* These teams are not included in any of the following steps and are automatically awarded a zero.

Step 2: What Team’s Success Might Have an Effect on the Future of the Red Sox
Explanation: Ultimately it all comes down to the Red Sox. If they can’t be successful this year, you want them to be good and in the playoffs next year. So as a result, you want to be wary of any team whose success this year might hamper the Red Sox being successful next year.
Potential Sox Hamperers: Tigers, Rangers, O’s

Step 3: Judge Based on Baseball Reasons
Explanation: This one is pretty straight forward. Who are the teams who you like how they play, have players that you like and you like watching.
Baseball Reason Teams: Orioles, Tigers, A’s, Braves, Giants
Ryno Reason: It’s hard to not want to see more of the Tigers and the Orioles are proving to be pretty fun to watch.

Step 4: Judge Based on the City
Explanation: Again, pretty straight forward. Do you like the city a team is from?
Sweet City Teams: Orioles, Giants
Ryno Reason: Baltimore will always have a special place in my heart and I loved San Fran.

Step 5: Judge Based on the Team’s Uniforms
Explanation: If you’re a baseball purist like me, uniforms will factor into your decision.
Sweet Uniform Teams: Orioles, Giants, Tigers
Ryno Reason: All have a classic look to them and great hats. I love that the Orioles have brought back the old bird logo. And I’ve always like the Giants’ home jerseys.

Step 6: Judge Based on a Random Personal Connection
Explanation: In some way, no matter how random or how it came to be, are you connected to personally to one of the playoff teams (i.e. was your Dad a fan of one of them, is your significant other a fan of one of them, etc.)
Ties That Bind Teams: Orioles
Ryno Reason: The Pride of Regan Lane, Ryan Flaherty, is a utility infielder for the Orioles. I’ll support anyone or anything from Portland, Maine. But this one is especially cool. We used to play wiffle ball together, now he’s belting grand slams against the Red Sox. Pretty awesome.

Step 7: Judge Based on a Team’s Chances
Explanation: After going through this process, you really don’t want to do it again. Ideally you want to hitch your wagon to a team that has a legitimate shot to make and win the World Series.
In It to Win It Teams: Giants, Tigers
Ryno Reason: The playoffs are kind of a crap shoot this year, but I like the Giants’ (pitching) and Tigers (Cabrera/Prince & Verlander) chances.

Step 8: Judge Based on Your Initial Reaction to a Team
Explanation: This is the blink test. If someone flashed a team’s logo in front of you and asked for your first thought- is positive or negative.
Blink-Approved Teams: Orioles, Tigers, Giants, A’s, Cardinals, Braves
Ryno Reason: Can’t explain this one. I just like these teams.

Now tally up the scores.

American League

New York Yankees: 0
Baltimore Orioles: 4
Detroit Tigers: 3
Texas Rangers: -1
Oakland A’s: 2

National League
Washington Nationals: 0
Atlanta Braves: 2
Cincinnati Reds: 0
S.F. Giants: 5
St. Louis Cardinals: 1
L.A. Dodgers: 0

The result?

Looks like I’ll be routing for the Orioles in the American League and the Giants in the National League. I can support that.

So there you go- a surefire way to pick a horse in a race where you don’t have one.

You’re welcome.

10 Things Unrelated to Building Rocking Chairs

A brief rundown of 10 things I've learned or have affirmed in the past couple weeks- listed in no particular order.

Goucher Athenaeum

1. Your college will have changed as much as you have in 10 years.
     It's true. While Wife and I were down in Baltimore a few weeks 
     ago, I showed here good ol' Goucher, where she was amazed that       
     the school was "actually that small." I was amazed too...at how 
     much it had changed. The loop road is different, there's a Death 
     Star-looking building staring at you and parking lots in the woods. 

2. Just because the windows in your new office open (and the windows in your office at your previous jobs don’t) doesn’t mean you should leave them open all the time.

3. Some people just aren’t going to like Newsroom and you have to respect that.
    Kim gave it an episode and a half before we pulled the plug. Much like pumpkin ice cream, it's not for   
    everyone.

4. You need to learn control your sports anger.
     In related news, maturity is not an overnight occurrence.

5. It can only get better for the Red Sox.
    Right? It has too. Although to be fair, not losing 90 games in a season since 1966 is pretty impressive.

6. You’ll be taken back by your new driver’s license for about two weeks after getting it.
     I don't look at mine a lot, but I definitely do a double take when I do and it says I live in New Jersey.

7. Yup, only one episode in and yes, Homeland is as good as everyone says it is.
     This totally almost happen last night after we watched the first episode...

8. I do love a good Jets’ loss.

9. You really shouldn't own a house if you don’t own a drill.
     A smart Realtor would work out something with DeWalt...first time home buyers get a free drill.

10. Squirrels are incredibly loud & messy eaters.
       They would be terrible to go to a movie with.

Bonus. Tom Brady takes his touchdowns seriously.

I think he's saying "Elephant Shoes Itches"

33 Things I Know

Tomorrow I turn 33.

At this point in my life I don’t know everything there is to know- I only know some things. Things you know are absolute- they are facts as far as you are concerned. They are bases of discussion, conversation starters, conversation enders, and possibly points of contention. But ultimately they are simply enough, just the things you know.

Here are 33 things I know as of today, the day before I turn 33.

1. I know you can’t beat flip flops when it comes to foot wear.

2. I know the Red Sox will always be the team I care about the most, although this has been less rigid in the past couple years- with the Patriots & Celtics sneaking in there.

3. I know the difference between a $15 haircut and a $25 haircut.

4. I know the Wire is my favorite television show of all time. Arrested Development is second and the Office (prior to season 7) is third. Notable mentions are Lost, Madmen, Seinfeld and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In the next couple years I could see Boardwalk Empire and/or Game of Thrones cracking that list.

5. I know the best hat I ever owned was a green fitted Michigan State hat.

6. I know that after a while, you can get sick of drinking only water.

7. I know that the only state not on an ocean I could live in is Colorado.

8. I know the best job I ever had was being a deckhand at Casco Bay Lines.

9. I know I will always look fondly upon Isuzu Troopers.

10. I know I prefer black ink to blue ink, but I’m not entirely sure why.

11. I know that I really came to appreciate the city of Philadelphia.

12. I know my favorite baseball player of all time is Ryne Sandberg.

13. I know that I never thought I’d have a nickname with more staying power than Burns.

14. I know Life cereal will always be the best cereal there is and if you mix it with Honey Nut Cheerios, it’s a work of art.

15. I know beer tastes best in a cold bottle.

16. I know that sporting a handlebar moustache makes me look angry and troubled, regardless of what my mouth is doing.

17. I know the five best concerts I’ve been to are (in no particular order):
- Pearl Jam at the Spectrum in Philly
- My Morning Jacket at the Mann Center in Philly
- Phish’s midnight set on 1/1/00 at Big Cypress Indian Reservation in Florida
- U2 at the old Foxboro Stadium in Mansfield, Mass
- From Good Homes at the Recher Theater in Towson, Maryland

18. I know that life got easier when I stopped caring what everyone else thought.

19. I know that mix tapes are better than mix CD’s.

20. I know I wish I was five inches taller.

21. I know 75 to 83 degrees and sunny is where it’s at.

22. I know playing music for people is one of the best feelings there is.

23. I know Goucher College might not be for everybody, but it was for me and I have no regrets.

24. I know I actually do have one regret about Goucher and it’s that I wish I had done a semester abroad. I really wouldn’t have missed as much as I thought I would.

25. I know that at weddings I drink Gin & Tonics.

26. I know my favorite place I’ve been to in California is San Diego.

27. I know that someday I want to go to Europe and do the following: fly to London, travel to Ireland and then over to Scotland, then on to Norway & Sweden, followed by taking a boat to Poland, the Czech Republic, Germany, Holland, France, Portugal, Spain and finally taking another boat to Italy. If Greece was included, that’d be dope. But if not, it’s not a deal breaker.

28. I know that I can’t wait to have a dog.

29. I know that for me, coffee just does a job. Taste is secondary.

30. I know Portland, Maine is the greatest place in the world July through October.

31. I know that my next vehicle will be a SUV or a truck. Cars aren’t for me.

32. I know patience isn’t my strong point, but everyday I’m working on it.

33. I know I’m a lucky dude because I met Kim and I had to be lucky for that to happen.

That’s what I know.

Go Pats.

Thursday Quick Hits: Red Sox, the Black Keys & Occupy Insert City Here.

It’s raining. I have thoughts. I have coffee.

Random Thought Run-Down Wednesday…oh wait, it's Thursday.

I hate what’s happening with my beloved Red Sox. I hate everything about everything that everyone is saying about everything. Jon Lester, I’m most disappointed in you- you the one who overcame cancer and looked to be on his way to becoming a genuine stud pitcher and here you are drinking beer and eating fried chicken. Come on man. And David Ortiz…you’re sick of the drama? Well you’re a veteran- you should have done something about it. As far as Theo goes, I understand why he’d want to leave. But there is a part of me that thinks it’s a little cheap. He built this team (whether or not he did it by himself is up for debate) and that team became a dumpster fire. Instead of sticking around to put out the fire, he’s bolting. I can’t support that. A man should always clean up the mess he makes.

Fantasy football update! I’ve won three games in a row but have lost twice in my attempt to trade Tony Romo. Kenny doesn’t believe in trades & Jeff backed out when it came to trading Miles Austin. At this point, I’m standing down. Side note- Darren Sproles is becoming my 2011 Jamal Charles- the player I’m the biggest fan of, but never actually see play.

New Black Keys’ album coming out in December! There are officially three bands out there today that make me want to buy their album as soon as it comes out: My Morning Jacket, the Roots and the Black Keys.

The idea of Republicans nominating an African-American for president sounds like a joke. A bad joke- but a joke nonetheless. And could we really have a president named Mitt? Mitt Romney sounds like a character on Madmen…one of the annoying ones.

Really…how many Republican debates do we need? The one this week was like an awkward introduction to journalism class. I watched for ten minutes and heard two questions based on a candidates’ statement followed by that candidate starting their response with a version of this: well what you said isn’t entirely true…

I have no problem with the Occupy Insert City Here movement. However, them (specifically the Occupy Philly movement) asking for donations of food, clothes, etc just doesn’t seem right to me. I mean, you don’t have to be there and you’re not homeless. If you’re cold, go inside. If you’re hungry eat. But I just don’t think they should be asking for donations.

Boardwalk Empire is one great episode away from becoming the best show on television. This season has been amazing so far.

I look forward to watching two shows every week: Parks and Recreation and Boardwalk Empire. I forget about one show a week, but get stoked a half hour before it’s on when I remember it’s on: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I watch one show each week that is increasingly become more because of it’s track record and less because of it’s current entertainment value: The Office.

Still very upset about the Red Sox.

I watched last week’s Patriots’ game with my dad- first time in a year or so. Hard to beat that.

The Thursday Boom Boom Room: Quick Hits for the start of September.

Batteries and bottled water won’t be a problem the next time a hurricane comes around. Kim and I seem to be all set on that front. However, if Comcast doesn’t put more shows Ondemand, then we’ll have a problem. How do you have the entire season of Game of Thrones available except for the first episode? And really, you’re only going to give us three random episodes of season two of Madmen?

Shouldn’t Dick Cheney be answering questions about war crimes and not about his new book? Either way, he shouldn’t be allowed on TV before noon. Seeing his face is no way to start a day.

I’m pretty certain Rick Perry scares the bejesus out of me. And as far as Michelle Bachman goes- she has already entered the Not Even Funny Anymore Zone, a zone already occupied by George W. Bush’s presidency, steroids in baseball and Sarah Palin.

I still think it will be the Phillies versus the Red Sox in the World Series, but after watching last night’s Sox/Yankees game, I’m very excited for an American League Championship series featuring the two.

Pandora is out, Last FM is in. Grooveshark may be up next.

Since seeing My Morning Jacket last week, they are all I want to listen too. I’ve had to install a temporary ban on them in attempt to prevent myself from over-listening to them. Previous bans have been placed on Rogue Wave, the new Beastie Boys album, Local Natives and Rustic Overtones.

Restaurant Impossible is my new favorite show on TV. It’s amazing on some many levels. I love the devotion and passion of Robert Irvin, as well as his brutal honesty. The last five minutes of the show isn’t even the best part of me. I love the “come to Jesus” moment he seems to have with each restaurant owner at some point of the show and I have mad respect for Tom, his construction virtuoso.

Tucked in polo shirts are bothering me less, but not to the extent that I will wear them once summer is over. They are purely functional. I don’t necessarily feel like less of a tool when I wear one, but I at least feel a little more comfortable.

In the end, I miss flip flops the most.

I’m not sure the US is really in the position to be telling other countries (i.e. Libya) how to run their country.

Television has taught me one thing lately- I need to find some old valuable shit to sell. We watched this show, Buried Treasure, last night, where these two kind of creepy, kind of nice twins drive around in Land Rover and appraise random things people find in their attics and basements. Last night’s episode had them checking out old comic books (not worth as much as the nerdy owner hoped,) a violin (not an original and hence not worth a million dollars, only $300) and the prized possessions of a hoarder with a foul-mouthed daughter (sitting on shit worth almost $150,000.) We took one thing away from the show and that was that someone needs to leave us something that is old and worth money. We looked around the apartment and couldn’t find anything that fit that description and I don’t think I have the patience to go antiquing. Inheriting seems to be our only option.

I can’t wait to get married.

Trying to figure out what you want in life and how to get whatever that is might be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to figure out- even harder than deciding what kind of cereal to buy.

A pitcher should only be in the running for MVP if they flat out carry a team like C.C. Sabathia did a few years ago after being traded to the Brewers. If not, then they a just the Cy Young winner, not the MVP. I’m sorry Justin Verlander. You’ve pitched 200 innings and your team has played almost 1,500. That just doesn’t add up. It pains me to say it, but Curtis Granderson is having a hell of a year. I think the winner will be determined in the second half of September. I also wonder if we are looking at co-Cy Young winners in the National League with Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee splitting the award.

Still have concerns about Burnsy’s Dumpster Fire, my one fantasy team that matters. It’s the thin bench that concerns me. My other two teams, teams I put together just for kicks, look much better. That’s kind of a bummer.

Love the Pats this year, but the Steelers still scare me. I think the Jets will take a step back, the Chargers will be dangerous and the Packers will repeat in the NFC with the Eagles just getting to ten wins. My Superbowl winner? Probably nachos.

Hard to believe MTV can still have Video Music awards considering they don’t show videos anymore.

When the Red Sox inevitably build a statue of Jason Varitek outside of Fenway Park, it should be a hundred feet tall.

Minimum Intensity Tuesday Quick Hits: polo shirts, the Wire & crab cake sandwiches.

Some thoughts for a Minimum Intensity Tuesday.

There are worst things in the world than wearing a tucked in polo shirt. However, there are few things better in the world than un-tucking said polo shirt.

I think driving in the rain is worse than driving in the snow, mainly because when it’s snowing, you simply just don’t drive. Few people cancel their plans because it’s raining and they don’t want to drive.

The idea of a Phillies versus Red Sox World Series is making me more nervous by the day.

David Simon has about a week left to get another season of the Wire out or Kim and I are going to have some serious time to fill.

My favorite seasons of the Wire in order: season 3, season 4, season 1, season 5, season 2. Season two gets a bad rap and I think it’s understandable. I feel that the best way to approach the Wire if it’s your first time through the series is to skip season two and then go back to it after 5. It works in the context of the series, but as a second season, it’s too jarring. You spend the first five episodes wondering where Avon is before you realize that the season might not include him that much. Season 5 is great, even with the whole serial killer angle being a little far-fetched. Season 5 makes me thankful I took journalism classes; it helps me understand half of the dialogue that takes place in the Sun newsroom.

This summer has been the summer of two things- the summer of the crab cake sandwich and the summer of SPF 50. I’m not messing around with either one and very serious about both.

Weird thing about crab cakes is that I love crab cake sandwiches, but I find crab cakes on their own kind of boring. I don’t mess around with crabs in a shell- too much work for too little meat. That’s a lobster-homer talking.

I can’t wait to watch and follow the Patriots this season. Although if the Eagles start out 0-3 or 1-2, Philly might get burned to the ground and that will surely affect my cable.

I’ve already broken one of my fantasy football rules for this season- keeping Tony Romo. If him and his stupid hats burn me, I’ll only have myself to blame.

Future Wife and I are going to see My Morning Jacket next week and I’m stoked. I can’t decide what song I want to hear the most- probably “Dancefloors,” but I do love “Holding on to Black Metal.”

I’m still on the fence with this season of True Blood, but because I’m in love and Curb Your Enthusiasm is on after it, I’ll stick with it. I just hope they stop emasculating the vampires soon and cool it on the Hallmark Porn that is Sookie and Eric’s relationship. Jessica is becoming the Hermine of True Blood. She is getting hotter as the series goes on.

I do think it will be the Phillies and Red Sox in the World Series- but I wouldn’t rule out the following teams: Rangers, Yankees and Brewers. If the Cardinals make the playoffs, I’d keep an eye on them too.

There are very few things better in the world than drinking beers on a dock in the summer. That is a fact that cannot be disputed.

I really want to see 30 Minutes or Less, but given the frequency I go to movies combined with how long it will probably be in theaters, the outlook does not look good. It’s just one of those things.

Axl Rose loves Mashed Potatoes...

Sick on Thanksgiving, tough to convince the folks and such that it's not a hang over. No dude, a hangover never quite rocked you like you were rocked on Thursday. Even the Gatorade wouldn't stay down.

Even the blue kind. I love the blue kind.

Had to make a quick stop on Route 1, after picking up Gram, to upchuck on the side of the road. I told Gram, I have to check something in the ba...and hopped out as the Blazah was rolling to a stop. When I got back in, she was still looking over at the Ledges when she asked if I had had to go the bathroom or something.

I wish it was just that.

I wish it had just been a hangover, instead of whatever the hell got me instead. The hang over would have been worth it and judging by what I was throwing back Wednesday night, there wouldn't be much throwing up after about 1 or so, Thanksgiving afternoon. And that works out pretty well. It wasn't as if the Lions game was compelling enough to keep me from doing anything else.

But I never turned. I only slept. Slept until it was time to leave Sunday morning and that was how I spent Thanksgiving.

Can't dwell on that shit, though. I can dwell on Chinese Democracy, though. And I can dwell on the Red Sox potential off-season moves and the Celtics in-season moves. I can dwell on anything. I can dwell on volcanoes, dolphins, or wombats if I wanted too.

Really I can dwell on anything- as long as it's positive, baby.

As long as it's positive.

Positive like say, that smoking new Guns 'n Roses album which is...smoking. It's amazing. It defies fancy words and phrasing so much so that it is fancy words and phrasing. Each and every song is the size of Asia and crashes through speakers like a well-functioning drunk cascading through the living room during the holidays- loud, abrasive, occasionally sensitive, even sentimental, sometimes a hoot and sometimes a hoof. Rarely does Axl ever hoof it through a song. He brings everything, the garbage disposal and the kitchen sink.

And it's nice sitting around, blasting G n R again. Yesterday morning I had to race up to NYC for an urgent matter and hitting 95, the sun out like a son of a bitch and the coffee pippin' hot- just like Mom made, Chinese Democracy was shaking the livin' shit out of the Blazah. I wanted to roll down the windows to let those other lifeless souls on the road in on what the heck was going down in the lane next to them- how it was unabashed, kickin rock n roll that will punch you in the stomach much sooner than it would even think of doing anything else.

Tickling? Not today.

Axl Rose don't tickle shit.

Axl Rose wouldn't be sick at Thanksgiving either. But if he were, it wouldn't stop him from eating the goddamn mashed potatoes.

At least I don't think so.