In the middle of last season, I renamed my fantasy football team- changing the name from the Off Duty Ninjas to the Philadelphia Dumpster Fire. It was a name change done with reason. My team was literally a dumpster fire. Additionally, the jokes from other guys in my league about my team being a little too off duty had gotten old. At the start of this season, I tweaked my team name just slightly. It was now Burnsy’s Dumpster Fire.
This dumpster fire of a fantasy football team was all mine.
Well now, only two weeks into the 2011 season, I’m considering another name change. Thanks to the season-ending injury to the stud from last year’s team, Jamal Charles, I’m strongly considering changing my team’s name to Well Darren Sproles, Let’s See What You Got because honestly, Darren Sproles, let’s see what you got.
Two weeks played and two season-ending injuries endured. In week one I lost my kicker, Nate Kaeding of the Chargers, because that silly bastard was trying to make a tackle, something kickers should never do. He got injured on the game’s first play and the loss of those points probably cost me my game, letting Jay and Kim Jong Illadelph escape with a win. Then this week, just as I was starting to feel good about the Dumpster Fire, Charles, who carried my sorry team last year, trips on something, blows out his knee and just like that- is done for the year. Very quickly and before I’ve even paid the buy-in money for the league, the Dumpster Fire have fallen to 0-2.
So Darren Sproles, let’s see what you got.
One of my rules before the season started was to refrain from waiver pickups until at least week five and overall, I was determined to patient when it came to adding and dropping players- something that has routinely come back to bite me in the ass in previous years. But thanks to losing my idiot kicker and the need for a better backup tight end, I’ve already visited the waiver wire twice already- picking up old man David Akers, now of the 49ers, and Fred Davis, a tight end for the Redskins, who podcasts have told me is a player to watch. Trading for a running back is not really an option- it’s too early in the season and as I’ve mentioned before, my history of slightly absurd trade proposals in the league has made it nearly impossible to pull one off unless Ben feels bad for me. So Darren Sproles, running back, pass catcher, punt returner of the New Orleans Saints, let’s see what you got. It is up to Mr. Sproles to make up for the loss of Charles. It’s a big task, big shoes to fill and while I have my doubts- I at least have to have faith.
Last year, the big loss was Tony Romo and that resulted in me running with Bills QB and possibly the NFL’s smartest player, Ryan Fitzpatrick, for the rest of the season. While even last year Fitzpatrick posted some decent numbers, he’s still not an every week, starting QB and it turned out, the Harvard grad could not only not save the Bills from another terrible season, he could not save the Dumpster Fire from finishing in the cellar. The one positive of this year’s season is that not only is Romo healthy and so far, putting up some respectable numbers, I also have Matthew Stafford, who, as long as he can stay healthy, has complete Fantasy Beast potential. Upon hearing of the Charles’ injury, I started dreaming of a scenario where I could play both Romo and Stafford- maybe under the guise of Mattony Romoford. Sadly, that dream may be my only hope.
So now hope and the success of the 2011 season rests on the shoulders of Mr. Darren Sproles.
And if he gets injured? Well, maybe I’ll try fantasy soccer.