Twenty Sentences.

Not trying to throwing anyone under the bus, but Fred Davis’ failed drug tests cost me my fantasy football season.

What else am I supposed to watch on television this time of year besides Christmas specials and movies?

Elf is the new A Christmas Story.

I worry that an entire generation of kids won’t understand the magnificent glory of a Red Rider BB gun.

Watching Tim Tebow throw a football is as ugly as I imagine watching two homeless people having sex in public would be.

I really don’t want anything for Christmas except for someone to pay off my student loan bills.

Tried to watch VH1 Dives Salute to Soul last night but for the most part, watching screeching cats would have been the same thing.

I wish I could make presents for everyone- like a bird house.

Do you think bird’s find bird apartments degrading?

I’m happy Jimmy Rollins is coming back to the Phillies.

How many stupid tweets do I have to write to achieve fame via Twitter?

Just make sure you have a good water bottle is my advice for literally everyone in the world- regardless of the situation.

If the Celtics don’t make the Finals, I just hope someone beats the Heat.

I’m going to watch at least two Clippers’ games this year.

Newt Gingrich probably hates dolphins and kittens.

If I was Obama, I’d be a little worried about John Huntsman.

My New Year resolution is to learn how to tie a tie.

There is a part of me that is starting to get annoyed with Facebook.

There is another part of me that wants to write that as my status update.

Life is less fun when you’re so tired your eyes feel like they’ve just been hit by socks filled with bars of soap.