All right, the Super Bowl is over. Cue…sports angry! But it’s Monday and unfortunately life has to go on. The Bachelor is on tonight. It’s not all bad. But still, I’m baffled by the number of people who call out sick today. First because of the balls they must have to do it and second for employers to be cool with it. I’m starting to think that it’d just be easier if the Super Bowl was on Saturday. Wait…why isn’t the Super Bowl on Saturday? Every year you hear everyone complain about having to work the next day or go to school and the subsequent arguments that today should be a holiday. That’s not going to happen. Not unless someone famous and/or important dies. The only thing that dies the day after the Super Bowl are the hopes and dreams of the losers. But no one is talking about just moving the game to Saturday. Such an easy fix and come on, it’s not like it’s going to take away from the ratings.
Either way- today is Monday and moving on is essential, especially for a downtrodden Pats’ fan like myself. The internet is against someone like me today with stories so gloriously fawning over Eli “The Human Horseshoe” Manning that you’d think he just cured cancer. So what do you do? What do you at work today to procrastinate?
Here are 5 things to think about besides the Super Bowl…
1. The weather. Apparently it’s winter. While there’s no real sign of it, my calendar does say "February" and I’m pretty sure February is a winter month. It was sixty degrees last week. I’m not complaining, just saying. It’s weird. I don’t speak Mayan, so I’m not sure if this is part of the end of days. But if it was I’d be disappointed. I’d expect something more drastic from the end of days than sixty degrees in January. Like eighty degrees. That’s drastic…drastically crazy!
2. Newt’s Moon Colony. And I’m not talking about the opening skit of Saturday Night Live this week because all that proved was that when they cast Bobby Moynihan as Newt back at the start of the Republican Death Match for the Nomination, the folks at SNL, like most of America, didn’t see Newt getting this far. And while Newt’s comments about a Moon Colony were funny, I think the real remarkable thing about Newt is how he’s apparently shit talk repellent. No matter what barb you throw at him (and no matter how true and potentially damning it may be) it doesn’t faze him. He flips it. He’s such a dick that he makes you look like a dick for calling him a dick for being a dick. Confusing? Kind of. Newt may be a Jedi.
3. NBA Basketball. Quick rundown: the Sixers = surprisingly good, the Celtics = old, but still have some fight in them, the Heat = amazing for three quarters (again), the Mavericks = probably not going to repeat, the Clippers = seemingly as good as advertised, the Knicks = adorably inept, the Thunder = good chance to win it all, the Bulls = still need someone to help D Rose.
4. No really, the weather is really weird. It is.
5. Donald Trump. I am completely baffled by his role in the Republican Death Match for the Nomination and for so many reasons. First off, when did he become such an influential figure in the Republican party? Is he even an influential figure? Who is the person out there who takes their political advice and guidance from him? Gary Busey? Is it simply ignored by a Republican groveling for his endorsement that he frequently discusses the fact that he’s still considering running himself? Will any of this affect Celebrity Apprentice’s ratings? I just don’t get it. I really don’t. We can laugh about it, but it’s frightening to think that some people take him seriously. No one I know, but America is a big country- some people must be for nearly every Republican out there trying to get the nomination has knocked on his door for a sit down. Who are those people? Can we deport them? Can we urge them to leave on their own, voluntary deportation? Can we deport Trump? What are our options here? If nothing else, we need to discuss our options.
Bonus question: Does M.I.A. regain any of the street cred she had, but then kind of lost by appearing on that God awful Madonna song, by giving the camera the finger during the Halftime show?
I say kind of, sort of. But my confusion could be related to the fact that the entire Halftime show was confusing. It looked like it was in slow motion and was flat. Did they get confused and think it was a dress rehearsal? Sometimes I forget if I shampoo’d and them I shampoo again. Maybe the same thing happened to every performer during the show. I can’t wait for Taylor Swift at next year’s Super Bowl. Pretend it’s not going to happen. I dare you. Pine all you want for the U2 to come back or for Arcade Fire to play or maybe a full on rock ‘n roll Royal Rumble featuring the Black Keys, Foo Fighters and probably someone terrible like Daughtery. It’s not going to happen. Can we get Bruce back?
Time to start watching college basketball and counting down the days until pitchers and catchers report.
Life moves on, whether we’re ready for it or not.