This, is my NFL playoff preview...
1.) New England and Denver tie for 3rd because basically, they cancel each other out. After San Diego and Baltimore, they are the most complete teams, yet they also have their flaws. I don't totally believe in Jay Cutler yet, and I'm also not sold on New England's offense, even if Tom Brady is at the helm. I watch Patriots' games and can't help but think what they'd be like with some solid wide receivers, or at least some dudes with normal names. Reche Caldwell? Jabar Gaffney? Are they making these names up? Regardless, I do like New England in the playoffs, especially if they play a team like Denver at home. If they have to go to Mile High though, that gives me a headache.
2.) The Jets are annoying. They're like the bizarro Patriots or a bad spin off of the Pats, like Joey or any of the shows involving former Seinfeld characters. None of those shows succeeded and the same thing will happen to the Jets.
3.) The rest of the teams; San Diego, Baltimore, and Indy can best be surmised by the Breakfast Club. San Diego is Emilio Estevez. They're squeaky clean, popular and they probably eat really big lunches. They're not without they're flaws though (Shawn Merrimen,) but we're able to overlook that because we like them so damn much. Baltimore though, is the only one who doesn't like San Diego and that's because Judd Nelson couldn't stand Estevez, and the Ravens, the bullies of the AFC, are Judd Nelson. Rough around the edges, loud and aggressive, and most likely prone to putting out cigars on their massive forearms. Every week, they come trudging out of their broken home to beat the shit out of some people and harass everyone else. The problem with them, is that they're really not that bad if you know them so ultimately, you end up like Molly Ringwald, and learn to like them. Unfortunately for the Colts, they're Anthony Michael Hall. Good grades, good home life, but when it comes down to it, they can't even make a working clock in shop class and are probably virgins. There's nothing cool about them, but there is also nothing really wrong with them. Basically they're more annoying than anything else.
Cincinnati is Principal Vernon. They're loud, obnoxious and more concerned with how they look and what people think of them, than they are with playing quality football.
So in regards to the AFC playoffs, all we have to do is look at the Breakfast Club. Hall leaves alone and we still think he's kind of a dork. He still can't build a clock, but he has a few more friends now because we know where he's coming from. So that leaves Nelson and Estevez, who in the end, both get the girl. So ultimately, when it comes down to deciding who you think will win the AFC, it comes down to a question of who do you like more, Molly Ringwald or Ally Sheedy. I'm going to go with Sheedy. She seemed to have more personality than Ringwald. So with that being said, I'm going with the Chargers to win the AFC, with a close win over the Ravens. But look out you mavens of the 80's, because what eventually destroyed all of those actors? The 90's. And who are the 90's? The Patriots.
6.who really cares?
All right, unfortunately for the NFC, there is no 80's movie/John Hughes-related analogy for them. But you can still compare the group to typical, high school stereotypes.
1.) The Bears, it's tough not to like them. But when it comes down to it, they coast and without trying, usually come away with B's. While that may be fine for high school, it's only going to get them into a state college at best and five years from now they'll probably be working the door at your local bar.
2.) New Orleans is the front runner and they are for one simple reason, they're playing to impress their woman; their woman being New Orleans. Their girl and her family are watching their every move and they're playing accordingly. It's mighty hard to stop a man in love and that's why no one in the NFC is going to stop the Saints.
3.) God love the Eagles. They're the student who got in a terrible car crash in the middle of senior year, only to come back and graduate with the rest of the class. Sentimental favorites, they upset the Bears as prom king and send Chicago home packing.
4.) Seattle is annoying. Last year was their year and now they're just like Ben Affleck's character in Dazed and Confused. It's only a matter of time before someone (the Packers or the Giants) pours paint all over them and they go running home.
5.) Dallas is one big family, one big dysfunctional family. Enough said.
6.) Who the hell really cares? But for the hell of it, we'll say the Packers get it, and who better to trash the Seahawks, than the Packers. You find me one American who doesn't like Brett Farve, and I'll go with someone else, like the Giants or maybe even the Falcons. But honestly, I don't see that happening, even if Farve has started doing drug commercials.
Who wins it all? That's easy. The Chargers. Why? Because when the Super Bowl comes, not only are the Saints playing for their current girlfriend (New Orleans,) but Drew Brees is now also playing to show his former girlfriend and her new boyfriend (San Diego and Philip Rivers,) what she's missing. So not only are New Orleans playing for someone special, but they're leader is also playing with something to prove. In any other circumstances, this deadly combination would be enough to win it all. Unfortunately, San Diego has LaDanian Tomlinson and that man is unstoppable, unless the Saints quickly erect a Berlin Wall at the line of scrimmage on every play, but even that wouldn't help.
Chargers win in a heart breaker for the Saints 31-28.