The same in the end- how Halloween resolves all the problems it creates.

I just found out I need a Halloween costume.

This is a situation that is potentially stressful. This is a situation that probably won’t be resolved until Friday at the earliest and this is a situation that will hopefully cost no more than zero to five dollars. Six dollars at the most.

The best costume I feel I ever rocked- and of course this only counts from age eighteen on was Barney Rubble. It was junior year and Maryland Ave was having a Halloween party. We had Batman, a doctor, a nerd, a clown in a too tight clown suit, and Barney Rubble. The costume was a cut up Grim Reaper costume, a shade of brown that was dark enough. The long robe easily became a brown sleeveless dress and had pointed ends on the bottom, a v-neck, and a couple of x’s written in black sharpie. All I wore underneath was a pair of green Umbros. I wore Birkenstocks and I have never been more comfortable in my life. And it was especially awesome because when the party was partying, we had a shit load of people in our narrow row house and the lack of clothing was perfect for how hot & stuffy it got in that piece.

Although admittedly- it wasn’t the ideal costume to wear when talking to Baltimore city cops when they were in the process of busting up the joint. It actually was the exact opposite of ideal. But in terms of a perfectly functional Halloween costume, it was ideally awesome.

One year I dressed up as Mark Kelley and one year at a Sidecar gig up at Farley’s farm, I was a hula dancer. My first year in Philly I was a lobsterman. I wore my Grunden’s- not that exciting and a little bit shitty to walk in.

So what about this year?

I find that, as I get older, I can’t think about a costume without being too realistic or thinking about it too practically. Really it takes the fun out of it a little. Maybe I could be a sexy nurse?

In the end, I’m going to sit on it like a band name- then hopefully it will just come to me and seeing as how tonight, I’m sleeping without the Nyquil because my cold is gone, I’ll be relatively clear headed. So something like a killer Halloween costume would naturally come to me on a night like tonight. No bizarre dreams involving Iowa and gas stations and station wagons and Rolls Royces for Ryno tonight.

Halloween costumes, dude.

I only need one and if it could be funny, even better.

Go Phillies.