How I Would Spend $500 Million...

I didn't win the lottery. I don’t even have to check- I didn't even buy a ticket. It’s not my style.

How much was the pot…like 500 million…dollars?

Apparently my style is to not take chances to win a shitload of money. That’s fine. I’ll make my money the old fashion way thank you very much.

But what if I had played and more importantly, what if I had won? Who doesn't like to think such happy thoughts and make such happy plans? What would I do with all that money?

Here are a few things…

I’d buy the Boston Red Sox.

I’d pay off my student loans…in nickels and have the nickels delivered in person in trash bags.

I’d rebuild every boardwalk ruined by Hurricane Sandy.

I’d pay someone to drive my Corrolla off a cliff.

I’d buy his & hers Land Rovers.

I’d pay a scientist to make me four inches taller.

I’d build a Bat Cave underneath my house.

I’d buy the recipe for Life Cereal and then set up a factory that makes Life cereal specifically for me.

I’d buy Kim a Lexus…just so I can put a giant bow on it.

I’d make a room full of door stops for my niece.

I’d build a recording studio somewhere with ocean views.

I’d pay a marching band to perform in front of my neighbor’s house (the ones who complained about the 

noise my drums were making.)

I’d personally finance another season of Parks & Recreation.

I’d buy the helicopter from Airwolf and give it to Adam O’Brien.

I’d buy a 2000 Isuzu Trooper.

I’d buy season tickets to Saturday Night Live.

I’d pay for drum lessons from Questlove.

I’d buy a radio station and put myself in charge of programming. Whose excited for the world's first rock, hip hop, sports talk (Boston sports only,) reggae, left-leaning political commentary, movie reviews, Motown radio station?

I’d buy an island in the Caribbean and call it Rancho de Awesome. It'd look similar to this. 

I’d get court side seats to every Celtics’ home game.

I’d have jeans custom made.

I’d have a fridge solely filled with red & blue Gatorade.

That’s just a start. I’m sure I could think of more things. Who wouldn't be able too.

But I have more important things to do. Like change my philosophy about buying lottery tickets.

Go Rutgers. Beat Louisville.