The President's Podcast Will be Lame & More Predictions for 2013

For me personally, 2012 has been a great year and I find myself miles away from where I was a year ago…and I mean this both literally and figuratively. It is time to look forward, though. What does 2013 have in store for us?

The Officially Official Giddy Up, America List of Predictions for the year 2013…

It’ll be all about salsa, the condiment, not the dance.

The HBO movie about the Fiscal Cliff negotiations will be better than you think.

The series finale of The Office  will make you cry at least once.

Stupid gas prices.

Spotify will use your music preferences in commercials and we will spend a week and a half wondering if that really is a bad thing before being distracted by a new Myspace reboot, this time featuring Justin Beiber.

Game of Thrones will make the leap.

This part of the Celtics’ season will seem like a weird, distant memory come playoff time.

Stupid weather.

Dudes still won’t want to talk on the phone to another dude.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl by beating the 49ers.

Razor blades won’t get any cheaper.

We’ll all get bigger televisions.

Stupid politicians.

148 Rihanna-induced head shakes of confusion.

The Green Day shows when Billie Joe gets out of rehab will be real ball busters.

There will be a White House petition to save Parks and Recreation.

Phil Jackson to the Nets.

Amar’e to the Nets.

Eric Cantor will make us laugh, but not on purpose.

Tough year to be a Philly sports fan, especially once Chip Kelly turns down the Eagles’ job.

Stupid taxes.

Newspapers still around.

Still no change in gun laws unfortunately.

Kanye will make us laugh but will continue to release music better than almost everyone else.

You’ll run out of milk. Twice.

We’ll wonder, does being a mystery novelist pay well?

Crying Boehner will be a massively unpopular Christmas present.

Tea still won’t be better than coffee.

Don’t expect CD’s to come back.

Taylor Swift still won’t find love and yes, it’ll still be a national bummer.

We all agree that Gaslight Anthem should be more popular than they are.

The President’s podcast will be lame.

There will be a tragedy in England and when it’s time for a benefit concert (like the 12.12.12 concert) we’ll thank them for lending us their rock gods for the 12.12.12 show by sending them some of ours: Dave Matthews Band, Grateful Dead, Stevie Wonder, Paul Simon and Green Day. Playing the female lead will be Adele and playing the role of Kanye will be Jay Z, who for some reason will show up to this one.

The Heat will win the NBA Championship and literally no one will be cool with how it happened.

A frustrated Al Gore agrees to rename Global Warming, but never fully gets on board with the new name- Weather Be Crazy, Yo.

Jon Gruden will stay with ESPN.

The only Oscar Lincoln doesn’t win is Tommy Lee Jones for Best Supporting Actor, but that’s only because everyone thinks he was wearing a wig.

Kim & I will go to Italy. You know, for the sushi.

The Dodgers won’t make it to the World Series.

TV show addiction will become an acknowledged affliction by the American Medical Association, but come on, marijuana should still be legalized.

Andy Reid to the Kansas City Chiefs.

In honor of Uncle Ken’s Celebrity Death Pool, Lindsay Lohan probably won’t make it through the year. However, this won’t surprise anyone.

Here’s to a great 2013!

Ryno-Vision: Boardwalk Empire, Politics on Facebook, Pumpkin Beer & more...

How do you concentrate when there's so much going on in the world? I can't. But here's 12 things that have come across my brain desk this week...

Always nice to get my band, Me & My Drums, back together.

I love Boardwalk Empire and try to not to say anything bad about it. But here’s something I realized the other day- True Blood has gotten frustrating to watch because they’ve added too many story lines and with each one hour episode, there is roughly 25-35 minutes included that I simply don’t care about. The show was at its best when it was just keeping it simple (i.e. crazy vampire plots & storylines.) Boardwalk is edging dangerously close to this same problem; especially this season. I’ll stick with it, but I won’t be totally surprised when Owen Sleater reveals himself to be some kind of magical leprechaun.

“Pleaseproceed, Governor” is the new “Go eff yourself, San Diego.”

I do enjoy a good Yankees’ loss.

“I have to go pick up Gandhi’s grandson,” I said.
“That’s not something you hear every day,” Erin replied.
“It’s not something I say every day.”

I think that in general, politics don’t really belong on Facebook- although when thinking about it a little more, I guess it’s fine. I just wish there was a filter I could set up that blocked people’s political posts. Facebook as a whole could really benefit from more filters: parents filters, work filters, inside joke filters. But as far as politics go, I ignore most of the things people put up, but one picture stuck out at me and I’m still not sure what it meant. A friend from college posted a picture of the following: Ronald Reagan wielding a chain saw, George Bush hauling brush & Barack Obama awkwardly swinging a pick ax. Are we supposed to vote for the person who landscapes the best? If that were the case, wouldn’t Mitt Romney’s landscaping company have the best case for being President? Wouldn’t Carl Spackler be the new Reagan? I’m confused about this one.

Hardest decision of the week: haunted hayride or haunted walk. I have no idea how you pick one over the other and what your basis would be for doing so.

Best Shows on Television Right Now (in no particular order & determined by yours truly): Homeland, Parks and Recreation, Boardwalk Empire, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The Office. Yes, The Office. It’s making a comeback in its final season. Biggest difference between this season and last season is that this season I’m laughing because things are funny, not laughing because I feel bad for the show and feel like I should.

Your weekly SAT Analogy- CVS : Rite Aid :: Target : Wal Mart

Local Natives are back, which is great news.

I can’t tell if I’m bad at fantasy football or just unlucky. Either way, I’m not winning, which is unfortunate. Get your shit together Matthew Stafford!

How come the weirdness of Mormonism hasn’t been talked about more during this election? I mean, that shit’s weird.

Pumpkin flavored beer is my favorite non-beer tasting beer.

33 Things I Know

Tomorrow I turn 33.

At this point in my life I don’t know everything there is to know- I only know some things. Things you know are absolute- they are facts as far as you are concerned. They are bases of discussion, conversation starters, conversation enders, and possibly points of contention. But ultimately they are simply enough, just the things you know.

Here are 33 things I know as of today, the day before I turn 33.

1. I know you can’t beat flip flops when it comes to foot wear.

2. I know the Red Sox will always be the team I care about the most, although this has been less rigid in the past couple years- with the Patriots & Celtics sneaking in there.

3. I know the difference between a $15 haircut and a $25 haircut.

4. I know the Wire is my favorite television show of all time. Arrested Development is second and the Office (prior to season 7) is third. Notable mentions are Lost, Madmen, Seinfeld and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. In the next couple years I could see Boardwalk Empire and/or Game of Thrones cracking that list.

5. I know the best hat I ever owned was a green fitted Michigan State hat.

6. I know that after a while, you can get sick of drinking only water.

7. I know that the only state not on an ocean I could live in is Colorado.

8. I know the best job I ever had was being a deckhand at Casco Bay Lines.

9. I know I will always look fondly upon Isuzu Troopers.

10. I know I prefer black ink to blue ink, but I’m not entirely sure why.

11. I know that I really came to appreciate the city of Philadelphia.

12. I know my favorite baseball player of all time is Ryne Sandberg.

13. I know that I never thought I’d have a nickname with more staying power than Burns.

14. I know Life cereal will always be the best cereal there is and if you mix it with Honey Nut Cheerios, it’s a work of art.

15. I know beer tastes best in a cold bottle.

16. I know that sporting a handlebar moustache makes me look angry and troubled, regardless of what my mouth is doing.

17. I know the five best concerts I’ve been to are (in no particular order):
- Pearl Jam at the Spectrum in Philly
- My Morning Jacket at the Mann Center in Philly
- Phish’s midnight set on 1/1/00 at Big Cypress Indian Reservation in Florida
- U2 at the old Foxboro Stadium in Mansfield, Mass
- From Good Homes at the Recher Theater in Towson, Maryland

18. I know that life got easier when I stopped caring what everyone else thought.

19. I know that mix tapes are better than mix CD’s.

20. I know I wish I was five inches taller.

21. I know 75 to 83 degrees and sunny is where it’s at.

22. I know playing music for people is one of the best feelings there is.

23. I know Goucher College might not be for everybody, but it was for me and I have no regrets.

24. I know I actually do have one regret about Goucher and it’s that I wish I had done a semester abroad. I really wouldn’t have missed as much as I thought I would.

25. I know that at weddings I drink Gin & Tonics.

26. I know my favorite place I’ve been to in California is San Diego.

27. I know that someday I want to go to Europe and do the following: fly to London, travel to Ireland and then over to Scotland, then on to Norway & Sweden, followed by taking a boat to Poland, the Czech Republic, Germany, Holland, France, Portugal, Spain and finally taking another boat to Italy. If Greece was included, that’d be dope. But if not, it’s not a deal breaker.

28. I know that I can’t wait to have a dog.

29. I know that for me, coffee just does a job. Taste is secondary.

30. I know Portland, Maine is the greatest place in the world July through October.

31. I know that my next vehicle will be a SUV or a truck. Cars aren’t for me.

32. I know patience isn’t my strong point, but everyday I’m working on it.

33. I know I’m a lucky dude because I met Kim and I had to be lucky for that to happen.

That’s what I know.

Go Pats.

Anything is Possible...and other Casual Friday Thoughts...

When the job posting says “project manager,” they are often times speaking of computer-related projects.

The same can be said for “storage.”

Patriots 27, Ravens 24.

Giants 21, 49ers 10.

When I type Iphone and I Phone corrects it to say I Phone, I’m tempted to throw it out the window.

Chuck Todd is the only person I’ll listen to who has a goatee. But that doesn’t mean I support his decision to sport one.

Turkey meatballs. Swordfish meatballs. Delicious! Who knew?

If it were really a Casual Friday, the work day would end at noon.

It’s only matter of time before a slow computer results in a homicide.

A smart person living in a dangerous section of town would be wise to only read hardcover books.

I’m waiting for the Shit People Who Are Over the Shit (Insert Group Here) Says Video to come out.

If I were a basketball player, the last thing I’d want to hear is that I can’t jump anymore.

Why are so many banks hiring tellers?

Compliments don’t pay the bills. Sadly neither do paychecks from a non-profit.

Sometimes the Internet is amazing, like in the case of the Brad Pitt eating in movies mash-up.

All this time, when people were talking about SOPA, I thought they were talking about us- Special Olympics of Pennsylvania and I wondered- what did we do now?

In America, it’s cool to be fat as long as you have a good 40 yard dash time.

No really, turkey meatballs. Delicious.

I wish I could sound proof my office.

Asking Sarah Palin for an opinion on politics is like asking a monkey it’s opinion on barnyard affairs.

Wait a second…is Happy Endings good?

If I had a gun I’d take the Office out back and put it down.

It’s hard to beat the combination of Life cereal and Honey Nut Cheerios.

Someday we’ll laugh about the Newt Presidential run. But for now, we just cringe and wait for that day to come.

No, I don’t like Mac ‘n Cheese and I’m sorry, but I can’t really explain why.

The Dumpster Fire's Jazz Odyssey Moment

Let’s talk about two of this week's happenings:

1.) realizing a fantasy football trade might not work out as planned

2.) learning that the best part of VH1’s Metal Week celebration is the constant airing of This is Spinal Tap.

“If I told them once, I told them a hundred times. Put Spinal Tap first and Puppet Show second.”

Realizing that Miles Austin wasn’t going to work, I had my own personal “resorting to Jazz Odyssey” moment a few days ago. James Starks would be my jazz odyssey. At this point, I really have no choice. I picked up Michael Crabtree, but I did so with little hope. And while I realize that the subject of failed fantasy football trades is neither fresh nor all that interesting…or is it? Just like that, it is back to the old does anyone else care about your fantasy football team debate and yes, I think it’s safe to say that while Future Wife may not be all that interested in Burnsy’s Dumpster Fire- I think other people might, sort of, kind of be.

So what happened was, I needed more production from my wide receivers and for the first time since 2007, when I had Randy Moss, I wanted a stud dude at that position. I dangled The Romocoaster around and once Jason Campbell went down, had a trading partner with the Rogue Load. It seemed like a mega-deal- I trade The Romocoaster, a disappointing MJD and Boldin and end up with Austin and Ray Rice. The impetus of the trade had been the success of Matthew Stafford If He Stays Healthy and of course, the first game after the trade, Stafford gets injured. That was the first bad sign. The second was Rice’s worst game of the season against Jacksonville and then culminating in Trouble Town with Austin going out with an injury. Defeated. Bummer. Oh well.

What can you do?

Well you look to Spinal Tap and do what you have to- you do your Jazz Odyssey.

I can watch This Is Spinal Tap at least once a week; for at least twenty minutes. There aren’t many movies that have that effect on me anymore. Shawshank Redemption has an honorary slot in the countdown, but after that, the list just isn’t what it used to be. I’m even watching the edited version right now and it doesn’t matter. That’s rare. I wonder why more bands don’t cover Spinal Tap songs? I think “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock It”- I’m not even sure if that is the title, would be a hell of a lot of fun to play.

For Burnsy’s Dumpster Fire, we are getting dangerously close to that point where we either need to get on the charts in Japan or call it a day and go to work on our opera about Happy Jack.

Other things learned this week:

New Coldplay album is surprisingly good.

Funniest episode of the Office this season was on last night.

Yuengling is an anomaly of a beer. It tastes good in a glass, in a bottle and in a can. Not too many beers can say that.

Thanks to our veterans.

Thursday Quick Hits: Red Sox, the Black Keys & Occupy Insert City Here.

It’s raining. I have thoughts. I have coffee.

Random Thought Run-Down Wednesday…oh wait, it's Thursday.

I hate what’s happening with my beloved Red Sox. I hate everything about everything that everyone is saying about everything. Jon Lester, I’m most disappointed in you- you the one who overcame cancer and looked to be on his way to becoming a genuine stud pitcher and here you are drinking beer and eating fried chicken. Come on man. And David Ortiz…you’re sick of the drama? Well you’re a veteran- you should have done something about it. As far as Theo goes, I understand why he’d want to leave. But there is a part of me that thinks it’s a little cheap. He built this team (whether or not he did it by himself is up for debate) and that team became a dumpster fire. Instead of sticking around to put out the fire, he’s bolting. I can’t support that. A man should always clean up the mess he makes.

Fantasy football update! I’ve won three games in a row but have lost twice in my attempt to trade Tony Romo. Kenny doesn’t believe in trades & Jeff backed out when it came to trading Miles Austin. At this point, I’m standing down. Side note- Darren Sproles is becoming my 2011 Jamal Charles- the player I’m the biggest fan of, but never actually see play.

New Black Keys’ album coming out in December! There are officially three bands out there today that make me want to buy their album as soon as it comes out: My Morning Jacket, the Roots and the Black Keys.

The idea of Republicans nominating an African-American for president sounds like a joke. A bad joke- but a joke nonetheless. And could we really have a president named Mitt? Mitt Romney sounds like a character on Madmen…one of the annoying ones.

Really…how many Republican debates do we need? The one this week was like an awkward introduction to journalism class. I watched for ten minutes and heard two questions based on a candidates’ statement followed by that candidate starting their response with a version of this: well what you said isn’t entirely true…

I have no problem with the Occupy Insert City Here movement. However, them (specifically the Occupy Philly movement) asking for donations of food, clothes, etc just doesn’t seem right to me. I mean, you don’t have to be there and you’re not homeless. If you’re cold, go inside. If you’re hungry eat. But I just don’t think they should be asking for donations.

Boardwalk Empire is one great episode away from becoming the best show on television. This season has been amazing so far.

I look forward to watching two shows every week: Parks and Recreation and Boardwalk Empire. I forget about one show a week, but get stoked a half hour before it’s on when I remember it’s on: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I watch one show each week that is increasingly become more because of it’s track record and less because of it’s current entertainment value: The Office.

Still very upset about the Red Sox.

I watched last week’s Patriots’ game with my dad- first time in a year or so. Hard to beat that.