The Top 7 Reasons Why I Would Eat a Hot Dog
1.) Phillies’ Dollar Dog Night. This is a no-brainer. Hot dogs are generally a good idea when two things happen and happen in this order: 1.) I’m at least 3 or 4 beers deep and 2) I can get as many hot dogs as I want for a dollar. It’s like peanut butter and jelly or gin and tonic. It just makes sense. Add watching baseball in the summer and you have a pretty good situation.
2.) Anytime after 1am and I’m at a Gas Station. If it’s this late and I’m still up, I’m most likely drunk and if I’m at a gas station looking for food, then I’m drunk and hungry. The desire to eat supercedes the desire to eat healthy and the hot dogs, rolling around in the glass case seem to be the perfect solution.
3.) A Machique. What’s a Machique? It’s a Bay Lines term that is used to explain when the summer crew of Peaks AM set up and grill on the Machigonne (the car ferry that runs from Portland to Peaks Island) on their lunch break. Anything goes and they are always a good way to end the week. Machique’s usually consist of cheeseburgers, pasta salad, sausages, and usually one or two bags o’ salad. But there is usually the guaranteed appearance of a couple hot dogs that someone found in the Crew Lounge fridge. No one really questions how long the hot dogs have been sitting in the fridge or whose they might be. They just get eaten and any explanations are given later.
6.) Mark’s Hot Dogs. Mark’s is a hot dog stand in Portland’s Old Port. He’s been there for years and his clientele consists mostly of businessmen, high school kids, and homeless people, one of whom has an affinity for eighties’ hair band t-shirts. I can’t actually remember the last time I had a hot dog from Mark, but sitting here, writing this list, I couldn’t help but think of the numerous times I’ve walked by Mark’s, and so it seemed appropriate to include him.
7.) Blank. Dude, hot dogs are gross. There aren’t seven instances that exist where I would eat one. I have to be either A) drunk B) desperate C) at work or D) all of the above. Other than that, I would never eat a hot dog. My friend South Street Scott loves hot dogs and his eyes light up when you mention the idea of going to a Phillies’ game on Dollar Dog Night. More power to him. Personally, they make me sick along the same lines as Amish people scooping ice cream and food with odd sounding names.